I have noticed that in every second from my life I have had to prove to someone that I`m worthy of... everything I get. I have also noticed that silence in these days is very expensive. You are either a successful person and your money closes everyone`s mouth, or you are exposed to the general judgement: you are either too rich, or too poor, or too excentric... in any case they always find a way to judge what you are.
And yes, it is normal, among strangers. It is normal to be judged, at least till you become... "close" to the group. I thought that after you get close enough people learn to accept you the way you are. But no, I was wrong. My mother hasn`t accepted me for what I am, not even now, after 31 years of existence. She permanently tries to shape me... after her own appearance. She tries to shape me, by humiliating me every single time when I open myself to her. I`ve told her one of these days that I am so afraid that I am going to be a bd daughter in the future. She asked why, but I wasn`t able to answer her straight. I am answering her here: I am afraid that she will drive me away for good... and that I won`t want to hear of her ever. Not because she has been humiliating me, but because she will keep doing that thinking this is the way she should treat me.
I am tired of proving everyone that I am what they expect me to be. I want to be who I want to be and not some fancy-rich-bitchy business woman, driving an expensive car, with 20 handsome servants sticking around me. I want to be me...
I WANT TO BE ME!!! Is that something so difficult to offer to someone?
2 comentarii:
first of all define who you are.... define to yourself, not to anyone else. be very onest with yourself and define who you are. after that define what you want. after that, you will need to make a way to achieve what you want (to be, to have, to become, to experience, etc)
people judge all the time, everything, because they make opinions about what they see/experience/understand always refering to themselves.
and when you are accepted in a group it is because of the image you have offered in the beggining and the things you did and do - but unconditional acceptance is the biggest mistake everyone could expect from others.
NOBODY SHOULD BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED - some mistakes can be overlooked, some bad calls can be ignored if, and only if the overall behaviour is accepted by that group of people. sometime not all the good deeds done before a bad call can make others not judge or be judgemental.
Yup... actually it is a french sales technique.
And no, it is not about mistakes, or bad calls, or any other stuff you have known till now. It`s about something else: MONEY as a purpose in life.
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